So its time for an update...
On March 12, 2010, my grandma passed away. It was a tough ordeal. My great aunt, my grandma's sister, got in from England hours before she passed. On that Thursday, it was bad but everyone thought she would make it to the next day, in which I would be in Chicago by 7:30am. She did not. I was the only one not there for what they call the moment. There are two points of view on this obviously...to be there or not. Considering it was only grandma and I there when grandpa went, I'm ok with missing this moment. I know how it went. Watching people die is not something I want to get good at.
So after death comes the service. We had it on the Sunday even though it was a short few days, it would give more people to come compared to a weekday. It was a nice service. Again, I gave a euolgy...not something I want to get good at, but for some reason, I am. It was very difficult. I had to do it. No one else could. I'm not going to lie; I kind of enjoy those tough times and challenges where it is up to "Bobby" to pull through, although this is not the ideal challenge.
So after the funeral comes dealing with the estate. Guess who is in charge? Yes, Bobby...Bobby is the one...Bobby can handle it all. The truth is, yes I can. I can put my petty issues on the side for things more important than myself. I find it easier to deal with other people's problems simple because you don't have your own emotions wrapped in the problem. Just saying. One thing I will say is I am grateful for all the people who came.
I spent 6 days total at home. That's the most I've been home in one time span since my grandpa was sick (2.25 yrs ago).
On Thursday, I arranged a ride back up to the burbs to check on my apt and see Rachel. As usual, it was good to see her but things were different this time. For one, I knew she was kind of seeing someone. No big deal I thought, she usually goes out with a guy once or twice and that's it. When my ride dropped me off she wasn't there because she was off somewhere with this guy. I went for a walk and sat in the park waiting for her to tell me she's back.
We went and saw copout. It was ok but I wanted to see the brooklyn movie, whatever it is called.
We got back and went inside to talk. We were in her bedroom when she went to the bathroom. While she was in there, I made her bed like I do every time I go over there. I can't deal with a messy bed. This stems from my grandma making my bed for me every time I stayed the night and making sure my bed was made when she came over. Anyway, while I was making the bed, I noticed a men's watch on the other side of the bed on the night stand. Talk about a dagger...my heart was done for right then and there. I knew there was no future with Rachel. I realized right then and there that it was "time" to wake up and smell the roses...all because of that watch (what irony). Rachel gave me a ride home against my will (I wanted to walk). The whole time thinking what the fuck am I doing. When we got to my place she told me I looked sad...no shit. I told here I thought she was a special person and asked her if she knew I would do anything for her. She understood. I gave her a hug debating or not if I should ever contact her again.
That night, sitting alone in my buffalo grove apt, thinking about all kinds of stuff, I realized that I don't want to be alone, but also know I won't be "not alone" with Rachel.
I got on the 6am flight the next day back to Philly. I paid my $157.00 parking expense and spent the rest of the day getting my knee checked out and going for a bike ride. I bet I rode around 30 miles. It was such a nice day.
Yesterday I worked out, played basketball and grilled out with the roommates. It was good bonding time. I was pretty tired from all the exercise and proceeded to watch Forrest Gump, my most favorite movie.
It was upon watching this movie I had a few revelations. It was surprising how much Forrest and Jenny's relationship was similar to Rachel's and mine. I'm always going to be there for her. I am going to write to her like I d now in the future and just like Forrest, one day I might get a response. Rachel and Jenny are free spirits. Forrest and I may be stupid but we know what love is. Would I like to see Rachel again, I think so. I'm going to leave it up to her when the next time is. I'll be home for easter and the weekend after easter. I'll write to her and let her know, but I don't expect a response. She will always be in my heart and I will always be there for her, but I will let her go and come as she pleases.
So how to deal with all this...easy...no more plans. This way, I can't get mad when plans fail because there is no plan. I have one goal for today and that is to do my taxes. That's it. So far, I've been outside blogging and enjoying what is now my third cup of coffee outside. Its really nice out here. I'm going to take it one day at a time. No pressure, no worries. I'm 25. I have 5 more years to decide what I want to do when I grow up. If I think I'll end up alone, I won't because I will go live with Ross or Joel. Someone will take me because I can pay rent and they love me.
Some other things I would like to document at this time:
My brother finally got a job. Its not great but at least he's working. Maybe someday he can pay back all the money he owes big buck Bob.
I might have a second date with Haley. Haley is someone who I met online and had a pretty good first date. She returns my calls and texts. If a woman does that, she is a winner in my book. She is really nice. She is a chemist. I love chemistry. We're nerds. She is pretty. I am keeping expectations low. Stay tuned.
This week I have my review with my boss.
My flight is booked for Vegas. It's going to be awesome. That's all I will say for now.
The reason I blog is because I want to look back years from now and see what I was doing. My grandma told me to do it and I do whatever she tells me. I don't blog so my 3 followers and the anonymous fourth (I know you) can see my dirty laundry. If my family read this, I think I would not blog in so much detail.
Mrs. Amy Dixon, thank you for reading my blog. When are you going to post again?
Later,
Bobby
PS:
1. In the past few weeks, I have had zero desire to drink. I had three beers this weekend and that's it. I think this is impressive.
2. We don't have special relationships. We have relationships with special people. That's what I think anyway.
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